torpeng babae!

do you know that girls are also "torpe"?
well... kala niyo mga boys kayo lang ah... kami din. pano? explain ko.
ang lalake kasi pag sinabihan mo na torpe ibig sabihin mabagal, mahiyain at takot ipakita kung ano ba talaga ang nararamdaman nila for that girl.
pero kasi sa babae iba e...
nasasabing torpe ang isang babae kung nandyan na, malapit na sayo di mo pa ipakita na you like the guy.
yung tipong sinusupladahan mo pa, o kaya naman ang pinapakita mo sa kania eh, "friends tayo. period." you tend to draw a line ng hindi mo sinasadya. kaya kahit na gusto ka na ng guy, at gustong-gusto mo na sya, wala. walang epekto. iisipin nalang niya na, "ay... di nia ko type. sayang!"
at sa huli kahit na gaano kayo kaclose nung guy, umasa ka na at lahat bigla na lang mgbabago tingin niya sayo at friend ka nalang nia...
that's the saddest thing about girls, di cla pwedeng mgsbi ng feelings nila sa guy ksi its a big TURN-OFF! nakakainis diba?
minsan nga naiisip ko maging lalake na lng kaya ako, pero the thought na magpapakatibo ako just freaks me out (no offense sa mga kapatid nating lesbian) its just my opinion kasi di ako pusong lalake. hai buhay nga naman.
kaya sa mga lalakeng makakabasa nito... lalo na sayo (sa inyo kasi dalawa sila)... torpe lang ako. hmfness!

bizarre love comeback?! part 2

yes its a part two.. because that night, right after i wrote that blog, i receive a missed call and one text message from him. to whom do i refer? my ex-boyfriend! this was his text message to me...

"wat would you do if i tell you i love you? would you say...
a.i love you too
b.sorry
c.weeh? di nga?! (really?)
d.d hell i care?!
e.mas mhal kita (i love you more)
f.maghanap ka ng kausap mo! (find someone to talk to)
antayin ko ah! hehehe. (i'll wait for your reply!)"

after i've received that message i immediately consulted to my dear friend burn and ask her what would she react if her ex sends that message to her. she said that it's normal for her since her ex is really flirty, and my case is different. my ex is not the flirty type of guy. he makes friends then if its posseble he would make friends and lovers at the same time. or so i thought. so why did he send me that message? is it a sign that he's willing to reconcile with me? what was it all about? and then another message he sent out to me was "hi!" and i replied "hi too!" but he didn't reply. what's into him that his sending out those messages to me? and just only me? because i asked my friend maricel if she received the same text message and she said she didn't receive any messages from him. and that's when i realized that he really just want to ask me how would i react if he said those words again. it's really freaking me out. all i'm asking is why does he send those messages and leave "hanging questions" that really bothers me. and why does it even bothers me? i thought i have moved on and i definitely don't love him anymore. but why? why am i excited to know what he really wants from me? agrh... why do even bother?

bizarre love comeback?!

The other day I’m thinking of something, well, really bizarre. I thought of going back to where I used to be. What I meant by that is, going back to the person I used to go out with. Although I don’t love him anymore, I still have this sort of, longing for him and I really don’t know why. I’m starting to think of telling to him that I want to be his girlfriend again. And that was I had planned, but I’m also thinking of what my friends would say, that they might be mad at me for going back to him even though I know that I don’t love him anymore. When me and my friend burn are eating at country style she asked a the question that really stunned me, “what if you go back to your relationship with him?”. Oh my God! At first I thought it was just a joke, but she’s not laughing, not even smiling so I guess she must be serious then. But the thing of it is, why did she ask that question? Is she and her ex are together again? Or is my ex pleading to her to tell me to come back to him? What? I’m really freaked out right now. What will going to happen in the next few days? I’ll see about that.

another thought about you... (who are you?)

starting at this very moment, i will be very busy! i won't be able to see you until Thursday of next week, and will not see him for a month, or will i ever see him again? i always hope that maybe i would see him walking in the hallways of our school or maybe I'll see him pass by the park while I'm there sitting while seeing him pass by me... hoping that he will notice me... thinking of him made me very occupied this past few weeks... it's not like i love him... its just the thought that the more you seldom see him, the more you want to find him... it's like having this ultimate crush when you we're in high school... i just wish i wouldn't find out that he has a girlfriend... it would really make me disappointed... oh no! here i go again talking about him all over again... its like an obsession talking about him... even though i don't know anything to begin with.. i got to stop this! but i cant! its like, the more i talk about him,the more i want to know him... well... first i have to know his name! maybe he will remain as one of my fantasies... hmm... i got to go! i'm soooo hungry!


*aurevoir*

to mr.austria78...

why do we always have to feel empty when really you have something there inside of you?
i'm starting to think that there's something wrong with me. i don't know what it is but i really want to find out why i feel this way.
one question always pops into my head:
"what do guys really think of me?"
like when i saw a really cute guy, i think that they can't see me, that i don't exist... but when i saw a... well... an ordinary guy they would notice me. but why is it hard to get a really cute guy to notice a girl like me? am i ugly for them? am i intimidating? or am i just a face in a crowd? a plain-jane perhaps. why is it when a tall, thin, white and angel-looking girl always gets noticed. why not a tall, morena and mataray-looking one... that seems intresting... that's really mysterious in a way... unpredictable i might say... guys just don't think like us girls. they get attracted physically and when they get to know the girl, they still disregard their personality even though the girl is so lame. why? because girls with strong personalities make them less of a man? NEWS FLASH: nuh-uh! girls like us with a really astounding personalities can reallly love more the way naive girls do. its just that we don't let men control our lives. we don't let men abuse of what we have and what we can give.
i just don't get the point why a good-looking girl and a good-looking guy is a match made in heaven! why specifically are they match? because they're both physically attractive?! and? nothing right? or perhaps there is but what?
i'm not saying this stuff because i'm ugly or something its just that i'm not noticeable. or am i? sometimes i just want to give a survey to boys and tell me what do they think about me? how do they find me? its just kinda depressing for me. but now, i'm happy but not really contented. i just hope someone could make me feel better...